Do I like running? No, I am pretty sure I don't. This weekend I reached a 'small' milestone in that I have done 1000km of running in training. Whilst I unwittingly completed the 1000km, I was no doubt probably trying to answer a question that plagues me on most of my long runs... 'why am I doing this again?'.

I am not convinced I can ever honestly say I have enjoyed going for a run. I don't consider myself 'a runner' and am most definitely not one of those people who gets agitated if I miss I run - on the contrary, I have to really convince myself that getting out on the road or treadmill is a good idea.

Why do I do this?

Good question. Having just run 133km this week (more than 3 marathons) I should probably have quite a well developed answer to this. I am not sure I do. I think the drive I have is much bigger, proving to myself and others that it is possible to achieve things that most think are 'impossible'. I think I tolerate the running in that bigger picture.

It is however fair to say that I love the sense of exploration. Not necessarily in terms of what I find on my runs - almost every single long run I do in Johannesburg is exact the same route - more the sense of exploring what is possible for me, discovering what my boundaries are. I can distinctly remember at least 3 runs that I did actually enjoy - each and every one was where I was trying to break a new distance, 80km, 100km and 160km. It wasn't that I enjoyed the running experience... it hurt like hell; my feet were on fire, I was a sweaty mess, my legs ached and on at least two of those occasions I had no iPod power left...

It was seeing how far I could go, seeing how long I could tell my body to carry on before giving in (something I have still never done). Running alone through the night along a misty and deserted Thames Path in a part of the country I have never been before (who would run to Maidenhead?!) was genuinely a life changing experience for me - I was discovering something new and experiencing a sense of freedom and exploration I hadn't had since I was a child.

These runs were seminal experiences in my life. Sadly now I am having to spend 10-12 hours a week running up and down to try and get fit enough to experience a run where I rekindle those feelings. I live in hope that the MDS can deliver.